Retirement kind of sucks. So I’ve decided that I need a hobby. And that hobby is going to be: WRITING.
Woot.
That’s right, I’ve decided to become a world-dominating, mega-author. And I’m going to write a super-kick-ass-number-one novel, bitches.
But I’ve got a problem: I need an awesome first line. They’re crucial. Without a truly awesome first line, you might as well not have a story. (I know I’m not going to bother writing a whole story until I’m certain that the first line is totally, mind-bogglingly kick ass.) But how do you come up with a great first line without knowing the story? Ugh.
I know, right?! It’s just like Bill and Ted with their Triumphant Video/Eddie Van Halen CATCH-22 situation!
So you’re maybe thinking, “Uh, Satan? That doesn’t have anything to do with what you’re talking about.” And in response, I’m maybe thinking, “Fuck you.” And I still need an awesome first line.
But I’ve come up with a plan: I’ll come up with some first-line candidates that I think demonstrate my staggering authorial genius, and you all can vote on them.
So here it is — a poll (and not just any poll, mind you, but a SUPRE POLL, spelled all cool and European).
SUPRE POLL
- Uno: “We really shouldn’t have brought the tiger. We knew better. Man-eating jungle cats are never a good idea, and they’ve got no business being at weddings.“
- Dos: “Lester had always known that his extra leg would come in handy. But not like this.“
- Y Pues, Tres: “In the beginning, there was only Vienna Sausage. No light, no dark — only little, wet sausages.“
PS – I’m not savvy enough to know how to make an actual poll that actually fucking works or anything for actual fuck’s sake (and probably some asstastic foreign spammers would show up and somehow advertise penis pills on it anyway), so you’re just going to have to send in your votes via mind beams.
