I have a proposal, and it is this: Let us do away with words and phrases like stupid, moronic, retarded, idiotic, dumb as a post, waste of flesh, slow as a grandma, fucking idiot (actually, let’s save that one), and asshat (I kind of like that one too). As I see it, every one of these could be replaced with the word “human,” thereby reducing the complexity of the English language by, say, an order of magnitude. After all, there really isn’t any need for these words, is there? What does “fucking moron” tell you about an individual that the word “human” doesn’t already communicate? I believe, if you look the word “human” up in the O.E.D. (the unabridged version, of course), you’ll find a definition along the lines of “a fucking annoying, slow-moving tosspot whose head is firmly and permanently ensconced in his or her asshole; one who should be fired from a cannon immediately.” So I think it’s safe to say then that all those other words, while enormously satisfying, are completely superfluous. We should dispense with them at once in favor of the far more simple and all-encompassing “human.”