Last night I learned a new phrase you can use when you mean to say “awesome” – STAR WARS:

STAR WARS = AWESOME

I brought Part IV home, popped it into the machine, and witnessed the pinnacle of movie-making. So I immediately went out and bought the next two and watched those too. It made for a late night, but there is just so much that is unfuckingbelievably awesome about these movies that it was well worth losing some sleep. The Millennium Falcon is unbelievably bitchin’, and I somehow need to get one immediately. Sarlaac, the gigantic, man-eating hole in the ground? Why didn’t I think of that? Holy crap! And when it’s revealed that Darth Vader is Luke’s father? Oh. My. God:

LUKE: No. No. That’s not true! That’s impossible!

LUKE: No! No! No!

I’d only make a couple of changes: (1) more Darth, obviously, and (2) I’d like to see some blood when the Ewoks get killed. Actually, I’d have liked to see more Ewoks get killed period. The third movie was definitely the weakest in the series, and it’s only because too many of the little furry fuckers survived. How much better would it have been with some Ewok carnage? A lot better! Just imagine if, during that badass chase scene through the forest of Endor, they’d managed to work in impaling some Ewoks on the end of one of the speeders… THAT would have been sweet!

Rating: out of whatever.